Motherhood is one of those things that you can't really explain. You have to live it. And boy is it ever an adventure. I remember when I had Anna. We were so excited. But my excitement soon turned to fear. How in the world can I be responsible for another human being? I had my sister here helping and the day she left I completely panicked. I was sick to my stomach with fear. But that's all it took. 1 night of doing it myself and knowing that I could handle it and I was okay. Like I said, it's about living it - doing it. And once I did it all by myself, I was okay. And now I'm responsible for 2 little angels, and wouldn't have it any other way.
Being a mom is hard work. Late nights. Early mornings. Up at all hours of the night. Being peed on, pooped on, thrown up all over, food sprayed in your face, and wondering how many more days you can go without sleep.
There's the pain of watching them start to walk and all the many boo boo's that go along with it. The torture of trying to break them from a bad habit - ours happens to be thumb-sucking and I'm still looking for a miracle in that department. It's the endless hours of saying "No!", swatting hands, and redirecting. It's the lectures on not fighting with your brother or sister, then time out for fighting with each other. It's the 3am little voice saying "Mommy, I peed in my bed." It's countless hours cheering them on trying to teach them how to ride a bicycle, to learn how to make themselves swing on the swings, to buckle themselves in their car seats.
It's the disappointment of hearing "You're a mean mommy". It's the disappointment of letting yourself down and doing the things you told yourself you'd never do.
It's all these things.
But more than that, it's their sweet kisses. It's waiting for their first smile and holding them 24/7 to ensure that you're the first one their smile belongs to. It's tummy tickles waiting to hear their first laugh and then trying everything within reason to get them to do it again. It's late night feedings when you lock eye-to-eye and never want the moment to end. It's how proud you feel when they first roll over, crawl, take their first steps. It's being in their face saying "Momma, momma, momma" and then being disappointment when they say "Da-da".
It's how you distinctly know their cry. It's how that only mommy will do when they're hurt. It's their good-morning hugs and kisses. It's being woken up to "I'm hungry, let's eat." It's how insanely proud of them you are while watching them play a sport. It's loving the funny things they say and the funny way they say certain things and wanting to hold on to those moments forever. It's going all out for their birthday parties until you realize they don't care - they just want cake and presents. It's the 1000's of pictures you'll take and then look back on with such fondness you'll find yourself teary eyed.
It's looking back with regrets for not enjoying their younger years more than I did. It's also looking back with such love that I can't fathom how much more I can love them in the coming years.
Motherhood is all of these things - and so much more. Enjoy it. It goes by entirely too fast.
And welcome, Miss Madelyn Kate. You are loved.
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